College dating violence power and control wheel
Dating or domestic violence, also known as intimate partner violence, is a pattern of ongoing power and control by one dating partner over another.
Examples of dating or domestic violence include threatening a partner or their family, coercing them into doing something they don’t want to do, constantly belittling them, controlling what they can and cannot do, deciding who they can go out with and when, isolating them from friends and family, controlling their finances and access to resources, or physically hitting, kicking, punching, slapping, or scratching.
In the early 1980s, Ellen Pence, Michael Paymar and other activists in Duluth, MN developed an approach to domestic violence based on the idea that it is the patriarchal values of our society that cause so many men to batter women.
In their view, men batter women because men feel a sense of entitlement to power and control over women, a sense of entitlement that is inextricably connected with a range of abusive tactics ultimately derived from violence.
Keep a log of each incident; including the time and date, what happened, if there were witnesses, and how it made you feel.
Save any gifts, note, or packages from the stalker.
Being stalked can make a person feel angry, confused, terrified and powerless.
If you are being stalked, understand that it is not your fault and support is available.
It just recognizes that dating violence usually involves a series of abusive behaviors over a course of time.
Tell the stalker one time not to contact you again.
Be clear and firm and do not negotiate with the stalker.
It occurs in both heterosexual and LGBTQ relationships. If you have been the victim of dating or domestic violence, you are not alone. Please see the links to the right for resources and for more information about dating and domestic violence The behaviors associated with relationship abuse all stem from one person's use of power and control over another.
While it is important to remember that we all have different cultural practices, beliefs, and experiences that shape our view of what intimate relationships look like, everyone deserves to feel safe and respected. The Domestic Abuse Intervention Project in Duluth, Minn., developed a tool called the the power and control wheel [PDF] that illustrates these relationships.
Many victims report losing time from work or school and some indicate that they have transferred to a different job or school to escape a stalker.