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And honestly, at this point in my life, anyone who has this lack of emotional depth and a lack of basic courtesy is just holding up the line. It would be awesome to find a fun, adventurous partner, but I’m not going to sit around waiting for a phone call or text when there’s so much more of life to explore. We are both late 40’s and I also thought this kind of behaviour was a younger folk thing. I have been with my bf for 3 years (he is 37) after returning from a wedding last week, he rang me after he’d been drinking, and to cut a long story short he was nasty and put the phone down on me. Has ended things randomly over the last few years, but we managed a full year without a hitch. I especially liked the part where you put a photo of horses up. Before sending my ghoster a long text I did a google search & read your article. I’ve never been truly ghosted, I suppose (though I’ve had weeks of no contact with one particular reoccurring idiot who I swore off for good a few weeks ago) but I feel like it’s become so commonplace which also makes no sense because we’re all more connected than ever these days.
So ladies (and the four gentlemen who read this blog), take heart: ghosting is real, yes, and it is shitty, but it doesn’t mean you should lose any self-respect, nor does it mean you should lose faith in dating. So I sent one more for closure a week later, more for myself really and not for him, saying ghosting someone is a really mean thing to do and I was offended he thought I wasn’t worth the effort of him just typing the word goodbye. I have no intention of ever rekindling things with him. Thank you for sharing and taking the time to write this. I ain’t afraid of no ghost and won’t be sending my long text. I agree with everything you wrote, especially that it’s the coward’s way out.
I’ve also heard this referred to as “blue-ticking” someone, meaning you can see that they read your message on Whats App (or whatever form of communication you use) but they didn’t reply. yes, I would take back any ill will I wished upon that person, obviously*. He tried to kiss me on the dance floor, I got weirded out, and he convinced me to give him my number so he could take me out and make it up to me. It turns out Mark and I were a great match, creepy drunken behaviour excepted. But hey, at least I got another story out of it, because he was the inspiration behind this post (FYI, you really should think twice before ghosting a blogger, especially one who writes a series called The Last Time I Saw You, heh). When someone ghosts you, you’re left in a state of limbo – the rational side of you knows that the person is no longer interested, but you still hold out a bit of hope.
Ghosting is sort of a funny term to me, because ghosts haunt you, popping up when you least expect them. We met up once or twice a week for a couple of months, and it was a really fun start to a relationship. I wish that I could say that I played it cool and just let it go, but he really pissed me off. There are those horrible few days when you check your phone a lot more than usual, thinking they might just have been really busy (although as my friend crudely but accurately says, “If you can shit, you can text”) or something happened to their phone (though with text, Whats App, Facebook, and email, just to name a few, that’s hardly an excuse anymore…
We were supposed to meet up on a Sunday night at 8pm in my local pub. Ghosting is such a cowardly act, and not only that, it’s .
When someone ghosts you, they’re showing you exactly who they are.
They’re showing you that they are capable of acting quite selfish and inconsiderate… As one of my favourite people on the internet, Mark Manson, writes, if you’re in the grey zone, you’ve already lost.
I had even run into him the day before – we live in the same neighbourhood – and he had introduced me to his friends and said he was excited to see me. If you spend quality time with someone, or make plans with someone, why not have the decency to text a few lines to say if it’s not working out?
I texted him on Sunday afternoon to confirm I’d be at the pub at 8, but he didn’t respond. Nearly every unattached friend I have – male or female – has told me that they’ve been ghosted at least once.
And then, the day before, I texted him to confirm what time we were meeting. That seemed a bit strange, but I tried not to let it bother me until the next day. It essentially means to just disappear on someone, leaving them hanging. *** The second time I was ghosted, I didn’t understand why the guy ended up being such an asshole. A few days later I wrote him a text saying I had expected more of him, and that I wished he hadn’t been such a coward.