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Here’s where I’m supposed to say we lived happily ever after. Tired of being hurt, I learned everything I could about finding and keeping love, and I applied it.
And it’s true; just not in the “head over heels from the day we met” kind of way. I persevered no matter how disappointed or heartbroken I’d been, because I learned to look at dating as a process not unlike job interviews; I needed someone fantastic for the job of My Life Partner, and I needed to work for as long as it took until I found him and he found me right back.
I applied the science, much as a loving family might apply their standards, levelly and coolly, to choose a mate for their beloved grown child. I married for a good match in every important regard, plus kindness, respect, similarity — and love.
Research in 37 countries and cultures also shows it’s also vital to find someone as similar to us as possible. In one big study, scientists listed the most common things couples argue over, and every topic began with the word “differences.” Choosing birds of a feather will make your whole life happier, whereas opposites detract. Make a list of everything you want in a partner, and then divide it into your Must-Haves and Desirables.
Must-Haves are just that — things without which this relationship is a no-go.
Desirables are things you’d love to have, but if the guy was otherwise golden, you could happily compromise.
But I speak from experience when I say there’s little worse than trying to find him if you don’t know what you’re doing.
For many years, I struggled and got my heart broken. Haven’t some other nerds studied the foundation of successful relationships? Love Is All You Need makes for a great song, but not a workable life plan. All over the world, love is literally considered indispensable in a life mate.
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