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24-Feb-2017 20:40

"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?

" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?

"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. Let's see how they like it." I HAVE LEARNED never trust a dog to watch your food. I HAVE LEARNED When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. I HAVE LEARNED never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. After a few weeks, move up to ten pound potato sacks and then fifty pound potato sacks, and finally get to where you can lift a one hundred pound potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. A vibration is a motion that can't make up its mind which way it wants to go. One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish down there." He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there." He looked up into the sky and asked, "Lord, is that you?

It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. You can listen to the thunder after seeing lightening and tell how close you came. " "No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager." No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man.

The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.

Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and 11. "If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher. " The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. ' For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out! "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? "Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself." An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was, and when she explained, he had her sit down and relax in another room. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was PREGNANT??