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I can honestly say that my parents are not in any way trying to control me.In fact, I had a long talk with dad today, and he admits he has been biting his tongue not wanting to criticise DP and push me further towards him. Dad knows he is dysfunctional, he had an awful childhood, extremely abusive.But he never cut down his mortgage overpayments, cleared the morgage and is now building up his savings, while I have no savings having paid his morgage. The DCs and I walk on eggshells wondering about what mood he'll be in on getting home. But the incident that started me thinking about the relationship and it's effect on the DCs was late last year, when DC1 and I were in the kitchen with him, and he told her to stop "screaming".She wasn't but her voice can get high when she's excited.She has bad anxiety and mild depression (been to a doctor) and DS is showing the signs of following suit.
Since the moment I got pregnant I found myself effectively doing all the chores.She spoke again in that high voice and he yelled at her.She scuttled to the other end of the kitchen before i could intervene and he grabbed her arm hard enough to leave a mark. Since then, there's been a little edge of aggression towards her which he doesn't show to our DS.But I'm using some of the info gleaned from you lovely people and my application for a little house for me and DCs is progressing well.
I have a cousin with some housing experience, who has given me the name of a good local solitor, so I'm hoping I can get back the money I paid into the house (I do have paper trail). Though you aren't married im sure if you live with someone for 10/15 years your classed as his common law wife and entitled to half of his assets. You deserve better I think he targeted you OP, I have no doubts of that whatsoever.I'm going to be scanning his financial documents when he's out, and saving them to my cloud storage. He'd simply deny abuse, and try to twist it all that it's my fault. Sorry, this must seem quite a ramble, but I guess it's because I am finally letting it all out. Your parents also taught you a lot of damaging lessons from childhood.I'm not expecting anyone to reply, but it's helping me to set it down. You are correct, its no coincidence that your brother has left an abusive relationship as well.In time you will need to address your dysfunctional relationship with your parents as well through therapy.